ever since this whole world began, a woman found out if she shook it she could shake up a man...

Mood: a bit of everything
Listening to: I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real
Reading: Fight Club
Watching: VegieTales ;D

It's hot.

Hot is an understatement, almost. There is a heating warning in effect until monday morning because the temperatures are in the triple digits.

not that I'm complaining or anything.

Supposedly I'm doing cross country this fall, which means I won't be doing the play, but I'm going to Ashland and there's always the winter musical.
who says I have to sell the entirety of my soul to the drama department? they can only have half of it.

Anyway.
Running cross country requires "training" this summer...I tried running on my own at first...I did that three times and then sort of gave up. Now I'm running with Melanie and it's a lot better. She's a better runner than I am, long distance wise. We go about three miles in the morning when we go out. wow, that was badly phrased.
Oh, if only I were Kenyan. Then I wouldn't have any trouble...I would be born to run!
heh heh...yeah.

This doing cross country thing...is possibly the...bravest? thing I've done. Because...Idunno, I don't do sports. I don't know if it's that I'm not athletic as much as that I'm too afraid to try...because I'm terrified of letting people down...if I suck at a sport, then I'll let my team down...and they'll hate me for trying and think I'm a loser. This is why I'm not competative...if I don't care, then it doesn't matter if I suck. "Those who don't try never look foolish," as Fiyero said.

these are my mental processes, btw.

I used to like running...I was really competative, actually, in elementary school and middle school...I thought I was really good. Sprinting, that is. Then...I did track in eighth grade. I wasn't terrible...but I wasn't the best either.

so...I quit running.

cold turkey. not that it was that difficult. it's hard to run if you don't enjoy it.

Cross country is the last thing I ever saw myself doing.

EVER.

I liked running, yeah, but only sprints. I have always hated long distance. I always vowed to never do it. Melanie used to convince me to go out for cross country with her and I laughed in her face. she never did it cuz she didn't want to do it alone...and I didn't because I thought I sucked at long distance.

yet...here I am.

and...I guess I'm doing cross country. go figure that one out.

I could quit.
I still might.
I just have to remember that most of the running in cross country is done in the heat of the day...and that it hurts to run for long distances...and that running uphill kills me...

it would be really easy to talk myself out of it.

but...I guess I need to do this.
for me.

Not to get in shape, really. I don't care much.
and not because I think it will be fun.
Cross country will not be fun.

not the running anyway.

but it will be worth it.

I need to prove to myself...I can do it. I'm not a quitter. and it doesn't matter if I'm slow, it doesn't matter what other people think. it doesn't matter if I totally suck at cross country because I'm doing this for me.

not for my friends.
or for my school, or parents, or coaches.

I need to do this to prove myself...to me.